I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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