Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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