I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
