what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
