You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
