i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
