You made me cry and you don't even care
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
