I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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