Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
