My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
