Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize