Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
