Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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