I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
