More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
