you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
