i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
