i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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