Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
