I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
