when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
