so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
