his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
