im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
