Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
