Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
