I'm pants shitting drunk right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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