If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
