Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
