i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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