$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
