my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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