I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
