I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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