I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
