Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
