Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
