I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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