I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
