And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
