He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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