i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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