it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
