I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
