just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
