I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
