I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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