glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
