How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
