I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
