One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize