I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
