Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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