yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
