plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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