He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
