my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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