You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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