Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
