i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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