I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was born a porn star she said
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
