He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
