She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
