This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
