You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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