This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
