ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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