p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
