i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
