be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
