Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
