5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
