I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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