Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
