Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
