I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize