I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
