Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
