I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
